A beautiful summary of a relationship many of us have and try not to notice with social media. Every word sung true. I’ll be joining in that exodus I think.
Beautifully written Wendy. "something small and tired inside me longed to walk away too. " sums up the complicated way social media ( and FB in particular) worries away at us. You've created a beautiful community on here - somewhere that feels safe and natural. It'll all be grand.
Hi Wendy. I am struck by numerous comments you have made in this post. First can I say it was a pleasure to hear you read in Scarborough recently as part of the Dreich supported promotion.
I was interested to read here that you concluded that because you put other people's needs (or have) before your own you class yourself as a 'people pleaser'. I know too well the habit of 'putting other people's needs first' but I've never classed myself as a 'people pleaser'. My own interpretation is that of a particular childhood conditioning that devalued me as an individual and taught me that other people were always more important than me and I was wrong to look to fulfil my own needs. Quite a journey to unravel that one!
As for a possible autism trait it seems many are seeking a diagnosis these days. I wonder if we are being misled by current hype? That we are becoming so afraid to be different in any way from some marketed version of 'normal' that we want a label for reassurance/ to excuse ourselves? It appalls me that a small band of marketeers/ advertisers have been able to wield extraordinary power over our self-perceptions. Who are these faceless individuals to whom we give away our power? It is only by comparison that we end up perceiving ourselves to be somehow lacking and boy has social media exploited that!!
It’s tricky out there! We are a neurodiverse family - and I am only beginning to see in myself and the way I connect with people in a new light - I am thankful i didn’t have social media growing up where my connection “mistakes” might be still there for everyone to see! Take care
I prefer some reference to the huge variety of personalities to "neurodiverse". Not that there is anything intrinsically wrong with that word or concept, except that I suspect there is an agenda (in some, not you) to normalise brain damage (caused by whatever) as natural variation.
I applaud your decision to simplify your social media presence. Having two books coming out next year is a fantastic achievement and a good reason for you to have boundaries in place before they launch. It's impossible to be available to everyone and unnecessary to keep up with everyone's news. Facebook wasn't so hard for me to give up because I typically keep a low profile, but I relate to your struggle to disappoint people. Here's wishing you strength as you implement your decision!
For what it’s worth, I’m proud of you. It’s a tough step to prioritize what matters to you. Reading your posts over the last few weeks has been really useful to me, and one in particular started a really significant thought process this week. You should know simply being yourself and making this journey is inspiring other people in different ways. Find the path that works for you. Your work is authentic and inspiring <3
I deleted my FB account just over a year ago and it was the best thing I ever did. The bitching in groups got too much and Friends/Acquaintances just drifted away from the platform Bravo for your brave decision.
There's so much sense in this post, Wendy. I've never really got into Facebook so that's one site I don't need to leave - Twitter-X is the one I have to make the big decision about. I've taken a few months off to see how I feel.
So, good luck with all you do here on Substack - it's a great place to find a new community.
I recently connected to a podcast called, "Off the Grid: How to leave social media without losing all your clients." It might be of interest. Lots of good information on running a business outside of or without social media. I'm also still learning the Ins and outs of substack, but I like that it feels like a space for writers and people who like to read. No flashy stories and blinky videos here. I liked Twitter because I went there to just read threads, but now it feels weird there.
I'm so glad you wrote this post, Wendy. I've had facebook anxiety/guilt for years. I've never connected it to my autism and difficulty making friends, but it makes so much sense. I think something happens when you stop being on Facebook- being in the moment, living real life without waiting for someone to like it and doubting your worth if they don't.
Thank you for this post, Wendy. So many things that you say in it ring true with my own experience. In the past I nuked my own Facebook and Twitter accounts because of my own personal problems with using social media (because it felt like they had colonized my mind). Currently I'm back in a serious, focused way with Twitter/X and a kind of limited engagement with a Facebook page. But I'm determined to ride the railroad this time instead of letting it ride me. And I'm finding Substack to be a wonderful alternative to the frantic feeling that can permeate both of those other platforms. Reading your personal account of how you have related to, and have now awakened from, the FB trap, and how you realized that using it was inflaming aspects of your own personality that you needed to come to terms with, is wonderfully affirming. I appreciate your candor and clarity.
I left social media a few years ago. (Occasionally, I have to go on for business but I don't socialize.) You know what? The people who really care about you will find others ways to keep in touch, just as you will find ways to keep in touch with the people you really care about. No one can keep up with hundreds of "friends". I love that I have more time to nurture the relationships that really matter.
A brave post, and I totally get where you are coming from and identify with being a people pleaser. Thank you for penning this.
A beautiful summary of a relationship many of us have and try not to notice with social media. Every word sung true. I’ll be joining in that exodus I think.
Beautifully written Wendy. "something small and tired inside me longed to walk away too. " sums up the complicated way social media ( and FB in particular) worries away at us. You've created a beautiful community on here - somewhere that feels safe and natural. It'll all be grand.
Thank you Kathryn xx
Hi Wendy. I am struck by numerous comments you have made in this post. First can I say it was a pleasure to hear you read in Scarborough recently as part of the Dreich supported promotion.
I was interested to read here that you concluded that because you put other people's needs (or have) before your own you class yourself as a 'people pleaser'. I know too well the habit of 'putting other people's needs first' but I've never classed myself as a 'people pleaser'. My own interpretation is that of a particular childhood conditioning that devalued me as an individual and taught me that other people were always more important than me and I was wrong to look to fulfil my own needs. Quite a journey to unravel that one!
As for a possible autism trait it seems many are seeking a diagnosis these days. I wonder if we are being misled by current hype? That we are becoming so afraid to be different in any way from some marketed version of 'normal' that we want a label for reassurance/ to excuse ourselves? It appalls me that a small band of marketeers/ advertisers have been able to wield extraordinary power over our self-perceptions. Who are these faceless individuals to whom we give away our power? It is only by comparison that we end up perceiving ourselves to be somehow lacking and boy has social media exploited that!!
Best of luck with your creative endeavours.
It’s tricky out there! We are a neurodiverse family - and I am only beginning to see in myself and the way I connect with people in a new light - I am thankful i didn’t have social media growing up where my connection “mistakes” might be still there for everyone to see! Take care
I agree with all you said here.
I prefer some reference to the huge variety of personalities to "neurodiverse". Not that there is anything intrinsically wrong with that word or concept, except that I suspect there is an agenda (in some, not you) to normalise brain damage (caused by whatever) as natural variation.
Me too!
I applaud your decision to simplify your social media presence. Having two books coming out next year is a fantastic achievement and a good reason for you to have boundaries in place before they launch. It's impossible to be available to everyone and unnecessary to keep up with everyone's news. Facebook wasn't so hard for me to give up because I typically keep a low profile, but I relate to your struggle to disappoint people. Here's wishing you strength as you implement your decision!
Thank you x
Thank you so much for writing this
You're welcome x
Yes. Yes. Yes. Off phone. All of them! Laptop social media for work connections only, once a day. Your skill and expertise speak for themselves Wendy.
Thank you xx
For what it’s worth, I’m proud of you. It’s a tough step to prioritize what matters to you. Reading your posts over the last few weeks has been really useful to me, and one in particular started a really significant thought process this week. You should know simply being yourself and making this journey is inspiring other people in different ways. Find the path that works for you. Your work is authentic and inspiring <3
Thank you xxx
I deleted my FB account just over a year ago and it was the best thing I ever did. The bitching in groups got too much and Friends/Acquaintances just drifted away from the platform Bravo for your brave decision.
Bravo for yours!
There's so much sense in this post, Wendy. I've never really got into Facebook so that's one site I don't need to leave - Twitter-X is the one I have to make the big decision about. I've taken a few months off to see how I feel.
So, good luck with all you do here on Substack - it's a great place to find a new community.
I'm clinging on to Twitter, but feeling like I might be clinging on to a sinking ship.
I recently connected to a podcast called, "Off the Grid: How to leave social media without losing all your clients." It might be of interest. Lots of good information on running a business outside of or without social media. I'm also still learning the Ins and outs of substack, but I like that it feels like a space for writers and people who like to read. No flashy stories and blinky videos here. I liked Twitter because I went there to just read threads, but now it feels weird there.
I feel similarly about Substack, it feels like a good place to be.
I'm so glad you wrote this post, Wendy. I've had facebook anxiety/guilt for years. I've never connected it to my autism and difficulty making friends, but it makes so much sense. I think something happens when you stop being on Facebook- being in the moment, living real life without waiting for someone to like it and doubting your worth if they don't.
Exactly this! Thank you xx
So beautiful and so much spoke to me. Thank you THANK YOU for sharing all this and inspiring all of us who read it.
Thank you for this post, Wendy. So many things that you say in it ring true with my own experience. In the past I nuked my own Facebook and Twitter accounts because of my own personal problems with using social media (because it felt like they had colonized my mind). Currently I'm back in a serious, focused way with Twitter/X and a kind of limited engagement with a Facebook page. But I'm determined to ride the railroad this time instead of letting it ride me. And I'm finding Substack to be a wonderful alternative to the frantic feeling that can permeate both of those other platforms. Reading your personal account of how you have related to, and have now awakened from, the FB trap, and how you realized that using it was inflaming aspects of your own personality that you needed to come to terms with, is wonderfully affirming. I appreciate your candor and clarity.
I left social media a few years ago. (Occasionally, I have to go on for business but I don't socialize.) You know what? The people who really care about you will find others ways to keep in touch, just as you will find ways to keep in touch with the people you really care about. No one can keep up with hundreds of "friends". I love that I have more time to nurture the relationships that really matter.