Wendy, I'm so so sorry to hear about your mum. We lost my mum to cancer this time last year, after a similar diagnosis the summer before. Do let me know if you want someone to chat through it with. And definitely give yourself permission to take as much fallow time as you can afford to take. The Authors' Foundation and the RLF might be able to help with that, through their funding & support schemes. From what I remember, neither has a particularly arduous application process. Take care of yourself, and yes, spend as much time as you can with your mum. Much love x
Thank you Katie, and I am so sorry for your loss xx I have applied to SoA to see if they can help. It would be a little bit less stress if they could. But I can survive if they don't. xxx
You’ve had a shocking start to the year and I’m so sorry to hear about your mum’s diagnosis. My mum is a cancer survivor twice over and I count myself lucky to be able to say that but the way it upends everything is… alot. This year I posted about keeping January quiet for the first time and resisting the new year energy. I was not so eloquent as to say I was going to leave it ‘fallow’ though so it’s not me you are remembering but that word captures so perfectly exactly how it feels. I’m looking forward to the start of my new year in Feb. I feel ready, which I never do in January. Also, SPONGE THEORY is genius. And I relate so much. I am terrifyingly good at cushioning the collisions between my brain and the rest of the world, until I’m not, and I think this is the best analogy I’ve ever heard for how that feels. Sending all the love ❤️
hello Wendy, I am so sorry about your mum, that must be such an awful worry for everyone. It's so beautiful that you are shuffling life and making time to be really present with her through this treatment period though, such a beautiful thing to do. I know what you mean about whether you need a whole month off or just a life where you don't need to feel like taking a month off but I think it could be both. I take every Friday off and even though my need to 'have a holiday' is nothing like what it was when I worked full time, I still do feel I need these prolonged breaks and to me, having January off sounds like bliss. It feels the perfect month to have to just moodle and potter, think, walk, read, rest. I also think it's great that you have the sponge theory to work with and that you are so clear about what uses up the most energy and how much you can do and cope with. That feels like a strength not a weakness of any kind. Sending hugs xxx
It has removed stress because I feel very much less on the hamster wheel if that makes sense. It’s a decision my husband and I made when our son was born so that we could both have a day off a week with him when he was preschool age, I was off Thursday and he was off Friday. but then because it worked, so well, and we actually felt like we got exactly the same amount of work done and made the same amount of money, we just kept it going but now we both take Friday as it’s a good day to take. Jake is 15 now so it's been going on for ages! I never feel overworked really because I’ve always got three days off in a row every week. And whilst I do fit life admin into that time, it still feels really spacious.
I did this, too: made a deal with my employer to work four days a week (details below). My financial expert brother thought I was crazy--"These are your wealth-earning years!"--but I have no regrets. My stress level went way down and I had more time for writing and living. My children had finished university so I no longer had to pinch every penny.
(Details: The year I turned 50, I went to working 32 hrs/wk, the minimum for getting benefits. Obviously this wasn't great for my employer since they were paying the same amount for my benefits for 3/4 of the income I generated for the company, but they knew I had worked many, many unpaid hours as a salaried worker and been a good employee.)
I echo what Katie says, both about your mum and about looking to writers’ organisations for support to make these things more manageable. It might be easier to plan a fallow month later in the year as well: I notionally have marked April as a no-go zone, but am realistic enough to know that other people’s plans rarely factor in my need for silence.
Your mother should be your focus, and know that she will appreciate this more than it is possible to demonstrate. Your mother and you are stronger together, and you are resilient, but most of all you are massively loved by so many of us, and we will be here with you, walking this path and supporting you along the way. There will be buckets in unexpected places into which some of those sponges can be squeezed dry. Don’t be afraid to ask for help, my friend. You may be pleasantly surprised how many buckets appear when you do <3
I’m glad you’re putting yourself and your mum first. It must be hard for those who’re self-employed writers to balance the inevitable stresses we’re faced with. January 2026 seems a long time to wait. Some friends have suggested taking a Friday off a week and/or bringing a fallow period forward so that you don’t have to wait almost a year. Whatever you decide I hope the year works out well. Sometimes help comes from unexpected quarters. Love Marg x
I’m so sorry to hear about your mother, and I know she will love having you there for her; this is how it should be when the people we love are sick. I’m sure it will be incredibly hard, and that your sponges will be fully dripping, but dripping with love as well as tears. Also, I love the idea of sponges; like you I become exhausted by doing things that to other people seem rather ordinary. I’m going to think of my energy as sponges from now on. You take care of yourself too, my lovely. Big hugs to you and your mama.
Be kind to yourself Wendy. I had a long time in sponge deficit with my Mum and dementia. I completely identify about writing retreats. I’ve been to a couple and was so stressed over the eating/cooking thing I couldn’t really think. If you just stay in your room it’s so difficult as people just think you’re weird or ‘anti-social’. I’ve done nothing since Covid lockdowns robbed me of the little confidence I was building, not even been on a train. All we can do is try our best. Thank you for posting. I wish your Mum well.
Wendy, I too am very sorry to hear about your mum. This is such a difficult journey for you all. As for permission to pause, I say go for it but I wonder, as others have suggested, can you squeeze in a mini-fallow time before your big break in Jan 2026? Speaking from personal experience, caring for a loved one is draining physically and emotionally and so it’s vital to care for yourself as much as possible. I ignored many of my body’s cries for help over the years and ended very sick myself. 😏 A counsellor once used the metaphor of spoons being equal to energy available, so now I think about how many spoons I'm going to use to do anything. It's similar to your sponge suit concept. The metaphor doesn't matter - but listening to the message does. I suspect you’re very empathetic and this alone can be draining, made even harder when you're faced with your mother’s terminal illness. As a fellow-anxiety sufferer, I offer my humble advice, that I hope that you can find some time for mini-breaks along the way, before your bigger break next year. I'm glad you're taking time out to be with your mum and I hope that the rest, work, taxes etc. all fall into place. Thinking of you. x
I’m very sorry to hear about your mum Wendy. I hope things go well for her and I’m glad to hear you’re taking care of both of you. All my love and a big hug.x
Wendy, I'm so sorry about your mother. She's lucky to have you to help her through this. It's the "put on your oxygen mask before helping others" thing, isn't it? You have to take care of yourself if you're to help her, and if you want to be able to live your best life. Whether it's sponges or spoons or something else, doesn't everyone have a strategy for knowing when it's time to take a break?
Wendy, I'm so so sorry to hear about your mum. We lost my mum to cancer this time last year, after a similar diagnosis the summer before. Do let me know if you want someone to chat through it with. And definitely give yourself permission to take as much fallow time as you can afford to take. The Authors' Foundation and the RLF might be able to help with that, through their funding & support schemes. From what I remember, neither has a particularly arduous application process. Take care of yourself, and yes, spend as much time as you can with your mum. Much love x
Thank you Katie, and I am so sorry for your loss xx I have applied to SoA to see if they can help. It would be a little bit less stress if they could. But I can survive if they don't. xxx
You’ve had a shocking start to the year and I’m so sorry to hear about your mum’s diagnosis. My mum is a cancer survivor twice over and I count myself lucky to be able to say that but the way it upends everything is… alot. This year I posted about keeping January quiet for the first time and resisting the new year energy. I was not so eloquent as to say I was going to leave it ‘fallow’ though so it’s not me you are remembering but that word captures so perfectly exactly how it feels. I’m looking forward to the start of my new year in Feb. I feel ready, which I never do in January. Also, SPONGE THEORY is genius. And I relate so much. I am terrifyingly good at cushioning the collisions between my brain and the rest of the world, until I’m not, and I think this is the best analogy I’ve ever heard for how that feels. Sending all the love ❤️
hello Wendy, I am so sorry about your mum, that must be such an awful worry for everyone. It's so beautiful that you are shuffling life and making time to be really present with her through this treatment period though, such a beautiful thing to do. I know what you mean about whether you need a whole month off or just a life where you don't need to feel like taking a month off but I think it could be both. I take every Friday off and even though my need to 'have a holiday' is nothing like what it was when I worked full time, I still do feel I need these prolonged breaks and to me, having January off sounds like bliss. It feels the perfect month to have to just moodle and potter, think, walk, read, rest. I also think it's great that you have the sponge theory to work with and that you are so clear about what uses up the most energy and how much you can do and cope with. That feels like a strength not a weakness of any kind. Sending hugs xxx
A four day week! What a beautiful idea. What's the thing you've noticed most about your stress levels since you decided to take Fridays off? x
It has removed stress because I feel very much less on the hamster wheel if that makes sense. It’s a decision my husband and I made when our son was born so that we could both have a day off a week with him when he was preschool age, I was off Thursday and he was off Friday. but then because it worked, so well, and we actually felt like we got exactly the same amount of work done and made the same amount of money, we just kept it going but now we both take Friday as it’s a good day to take. Jake is 15 now so it's been going on for ages! I never feel overworked really because I’ve always got three days off in a row every week. And whilst I do fit life admin into that time, it still feels really spacious.
I did this, too: made a deal with my employer to work four days a week (details below). My financial expert brother thought I was crazy--"These are your wealth-earning years!"--but I have no regrets. My stress level went way down and I had more time for writing and living. My children had finished university so I no longer had to pinch every penny.
(Details: The year I turned 50, I went to working 32 hrs/wk, the minimum for getting benefits. Obviously this wasn't great for my employer since they were paying the same amount for my benefits for 3/4 of the income I generated for the company, but they knew I had worked many, many unpaid hours as a salaried worker and been a good employee.)
I echo what Katie says, both about your mum and about looking to writers’ organisations for support to make these things more manageable. It might be easier to plan a fallow month later in the year as well: I notionally have marked April as a no-go zone, but am realistic enough to know that other people’s plans rarely factor in my need for silence.
Your mother should be your focus, and know that she will appreciate this more than it is possible to demonstrate. Your mother and you are stronger together, and you are resilient, but most of all you are massively loved by so many of us, and we will be here with you, walking this path and supporting you along the way. There will be buckets in unexpected places into which some of those sponges can be squeezed dry. Don’t be afraid to ask for help, my friend. You may be pleasantly surprised how many buckets appear when you do <3
Thank you x
I’m glad you’re putting yourself and your mum first. It must be hard for those who’re self-employed writers to balance the inevitable stresses we’re faced with. January 2026 seems a long time to wait. Some friends have suggested taking a Friday off a week and/or bringing a fallow period forward so that you don’t have to wait almost a year. Whatever you decide I hope the year works out well. Sometimes help comes from unexpected quarters. Love Marg x
Dear Wendy,
I’m so sorry to hear about your mother, and I know she will love having you there for her; this is how it should be when the people we love are sick. I’m sure it will be incredibly hard, and that your sponges will be fully dripping, but dripping with love as well as tears. Also, I love the idea of sponges; like you I become exhausted by doing things that to other people seem rather ordinary. I’m going to think of my energy as sponges from now on. You take care of yourself too, my lovely. Big hugs to you and your mama.
Cesca xx
Thank you x
Be kind to yourself Wendy. I had a long time in sponge deficit with my Mum and dementia. I completely identify about writing retreats. I’ve been to a couple and was so stressed over the eating/cooking thing I couldn’t really think. If you just stay in your room it’s so difficult as people just think you’re weird or ‘anti-social’. I’ve done nothing since Covid lockdowns robbed me of the little confidence I was building, not even been on a train. All we can do is try our best. Thank you for posting. I wish your Mum well.
I hope things get better for you Valerie xx
This one resonated loud for me - both the need for a a slow, restful January and your sponge theory, which I totally identify with ♥️
Thanks Sallyanne x
Wendy, I too am very sorry to hear about your mum. This is such a difficult journey for you all. As for permission to pause, I say go for it but I wonder, as others have suggested, can you squeeze in a mini-fallow time before your big break in Jan 2026? Speaking from personal experience, caring for a loved one is draining physically and emotionally and so it’s vital to care for yourself as much as possible. I ignored many of my body’s cries for help over the years and ended very sick myself. 😏 A counsellor once used the metaphor of spoons being equal to energy available, so now I think about how many spoons I'm going to use to do anything. It's similar to your sponge suit concept. The metaphor doesn't matter - but listening to the message does. I suspect you’re very empathetic and this alone can be draining, made even harder when you're faced with your mother’s terminal illness. As a fellow-anxiety sufferer, I offer my humble advice, that I hope that you can find some time for mini-breaks along the way, before your bigger break next year. I'm glad you're taking time out to be with your mum and I hope that the rest, work, taxes etc. all fall into place. Thinking of you. x
Thank you Silvana x
I’m very sorry to hear about your mum Wendy. I hope things go well for her and I’m glad to hear you’re taking care of both of you. All my love and a big hug.x
Thanks Ann x
Wendy, I'm so sorry about your mother. She's lucky to have you to help her through this. It's the "put on your oxygen mask before helping others" thing, isn't it? You have to take care of yourself if you're to help her, and if you want to be able to live your best life. Whether it's sponges or spoons or something else, doesn't everyone have a strategy for knowing when it's time to take a break?
Thanks Barbara x
This resonates with me in so many ways. What a hard start to the year. Take care.
Thanks Beth x
Wendy, I'm sorry that things are so hard right now. Sending love and sponges. xx
Thank you xx
This must be a difficult and exhausting time for you Wendy - emotionally and phsically. I'm so sorry to hear about your Mum.
Thanks Gillian x
Your writing is so beautiful. Good luck with everything, Sarah.
Thank you Sarah x
Sending so much love to you Wendy. I hope today can bring at least one small glimmers of calm through it all. Take care xx
Thank you Kathryn x