This post is oddly prescient. I woke up yesterday with two poems in my head which have evolved into a short sequence on how change is viewed at distance and how that sits in the now.
I think we’ll use these prompts to build on that work. Thank you.
I have a PDF if you’d like to read them, but because of the nature of the work I am not yet sure whether they are for wider consumption. Happy to send if you’re happy.
I agree with Elly, you obviously have a real skill with the sonnet. It's beautiful. The only thing that I would think of changing is the ending which feels a little bit like tying the sonnet up too much, a bit rushed perhaps. The poem has a real nature heart to it, aI wonder if the very last night might stay, but the line above could refer to another natural phenomenon. Maybe birds? Just throwing some ideas about. I love this. I feel like you've mastered the difficulties of making rhyme and rhythm unobtrusive in a structured form.
I did rush the ending but I like tying up a Shakespearean sonnet in the final couplet. I have three birds already and three plants so I think I'd like to continue the idea of past and present merging, something like:
Here lovers wander free and many a pledge
is whispered in the wind on Baslow Edge
Can I get away with 'free' instead of 'freely' ( chosen for the assonance with breeze and feel in line 12)?
Thanks for the post and prompts, Wendy. The theme of change is a good one. I'm currently having a hard time to get words written but here are my first few scraps after reading the journal suggestions:
I like this Elly. Weirdly, I wore my hair down today and thought about how long it is and whether I would cut it or not. Decided not, even though it's a pain in the 'arse' and I never use its full potential! Mine is grey blending to pink. I'm not quite brave enough for the squirrel's pelt yet.
Hi Marg. I like how you developed your response to the "good" line. Having to be good is something a lot of us, I'm sure, could relate to. I like the spare details and the matter of fact tone of a child as remembered by the adult. I like how Mr & Mrs Moss offer an alternative. I LOVE the last two lines!
I love the idea of giving yourself permission to write on one side of the page only, avoiding the other side which for me is always messy with ink that has seeped through!
This post is oddly prescient. I woke up yesterday with two poems in my head which have evolved into a short sequence on how change is viewed at distance and how that sits in the now.
I think we’ll use these prompts to build on that work. Thank you.
Brilliant. I'd love to see the poems if you feel like sharing?
I have a PDF if you’d like to read them, but because of the nature of the work I am not yet sure whether they are for wider consumption. Happy to send if you’re happy.
Baslow Edge, Late August
The mauvy-pink of heather mists the heath;
vast gritstone boulders guard the valley view.
Backlit, a plump cloud billows - and beneath,
a kestrel hovers, dark against the blue.
Shy harebells flourish in the sheltered spots,
bracken exudes its bracing, earthy scent,
a pair of wheatears flickers on a rock,
a swallow banks and turns with sure intent.
Nothing escapes the Frog Stone's bulbous gaze;
he's witnessed work and worship on this moor,
seen countless generations walk these ways -
the breeze we feel has passed this way before.
My hair blows wild and free - and many a pledge
is whispered in the wind on Baslow Edge.
(Doesn't follow prompt. and needs work.)
What a wonderful bit of writing. The rhyme scheme is unobtrusive but blends so well with the descriptions. You are mistress of the sonnet form!
Oh goodness, Elly! Thank you so much!
I agree with Elly, you obviously have a real skill with the sonnet. It's beautiful. The only thing that I would think of changing is the ending which feels a little bit like tying the sonnet up too much, a bit rushed perhaps. The poem has a real nature heart to it, aI wonder if the very last night might stay, but the line above could refer to another natural phenomenon. Maybe birds? Just throwing some ideas about. I love this. I feel like you've mastered the difficulties of making rhyme and rhythm unobtrusive in a structured form.
Thank you so much, Wendy. x
I did rush the ending but I like tying up a Shakespearean sonnet in the final couplet. I have three birds already and three plants so I think I'd like to continue the idea of past and present merging, something like:
Here lovers wander free and many a pledge
is whispered in the wind on Baslow Edge
Can I get away with 'free' instead of 'freely' ( chosen for the assonance with breeze and feel in line 12)?
I feel that works better, much tighter, much more defined. Lovely stuff x
Oh, brilliant. That's sorted, then! xx
Thanks for the post and prompts, Wendy. The theme of change is a good one. I'm currently having a hard time to get words written but here are my first few scraps after reading the journal suggestions:
CHANGE
*
Her hair grown long
behind her, out of sight
-- a scraggly squirrel's tail
*
Her hair is mottled grey
like undecided clouds
on a windy day
*
She might cut her hair.
But not yet.
Winter's coming.
There are three little dots on the bottom right hand side of your reply, if you click on them they'll allow you to edit.
Thanks! Found it and made the changes :-)
I like this Elly. Weirdly, I wore my hair down today and thought about how long it is and whether I would cut it or not. Decided not, even though it's a pain in the 'arse' and I never use its full potential! Mine is grey blending to pink. I'm not quite brave enough for the squirrel's pelt yet.
Well... that's a bit of serendipity! My thoughts also. Thanks Wendy :-)
Elly I found your poem very evocative. Marg
Thanks Marg :-)
I love this, Elly, especially the scraggly squirrel's pelt and the wonderful 'undecided clouds'. That's a poem already in my book. xx
Thanks Jenni :-)
This In response to your meditation on Mary Oliver’s poem.
1st draft
You don’t have to be good.
At Sunday School we were taught to be good.
Not to sin
Sin was red, weepy blotches round your wee point.
Sun was decidedly not good.
Mr & Mrs Moss spoke to us girls after facts of life class.
‘You can have sex before you marry’ she said. ‘We did.’
Mr & Mrs Moss were at least as old as my parents. Mrs Moss wore a suit. I’d not noticed her sitting among the regimented adults.
For a long time I was good.
Just in case.
Hi Marg. I like how you developed your response to the "good" line. Having to be good is something a lot of us, I'm sure, could relate to. I like the spare details and the matter of fact tone of a child as remembered by the adult. I like how Mr & Mrs Moss offer an alternative. I LOVE the last two lines!
I love the idea of giving yourself permission to write on one side of the page only, avoiding the other side which for me is always messy with ink that has seeped through!