Such a beautiful, if pain-soaked, post. Thank you for sharing it. Your sentence about summarising something which conceals the absolute wreckage underneath the surface rang so true (I find myself summarising my experiences in a short sentence which I throw out there as if it weighs nothing, testing to see how it lands and whether this person is safe to be open with or not).
I also loved the description "That the loss never goes away, but that you fold around it, like scar tissue forming around a foreign object, until it is a part of you, a part of your body and your story." This is just perfect. As S says - thank you for continuing to share here.
I find myself thinking back to that evening when you first shared your story with me and others and I cried like I had never cried before or since. Losing the hormonal cycle in my body is, I now accept, one of the best things that has ever happened in my life, and the peace it has granted is in stark contrast to the experiences of many other women. My experience of motherhood is, the more I think about the process, a complex series of wounds in itself.
Without finding your work when I did, and learning the language you were so brave and strong to share, a lot of these feelings would have gone unexplored. You granted me an ability to walk outside myself. I am hugely grateful for this and so much more which has come from your wisdom and encouragement. Thank you for continuing to be here ❤️
I’m so sorry for all you’ve been through. How unimaginably hard. A raw, honest and beautiful post. 💕 I’ve been on an infertility path these last 6 years, with losses (like you said, how can 2 words sum up the experience...), and this line really resonates with me: ‘I have stopped trying to fix myself, I have stopped punishing myself, and am embracing myself.’ After 5 years of punishing myself I decided to not do that anymore. It hasn’t made things work and I was miserable. It’s a hard and often dark place to me. Sending love xxx
Another beautiful, heartfelt post, thank you and I’m so sorry you keep being drawn back into sadness, but let this child-free (because I never felt the need or desire to procreate) woman tell you, this menopause thing can hit you like a ton of bricks and even people in my position feel the sadness of the end of fertility, but as S above says, it is the start of something new once the turmoil calms, so I wish you a rich and productive future.
Such a beautiful, if pain-soaked, post. Thank you for sharing it. Your sentence about summarising something which conceals the absolute wreckage underneath the surface rang so true (I find myself summarising my experiences in a short sentence which I throw out there as if it weighs nothing, testing to see how it lands and whether this person is safe to be open with or not).
I also loved the description "That the loss never goes away, but that you fold around it, like scar tissue forming around a foreign object, until it is a part of you, a part of your body and your story." This is just perfect. As S says - thank you for continuing to share here.
Thank you for reading and responding x
I find myself thinking back to that evening when you first shared your story with me and others and I cried like I had never cried before or since. Losing the hormonal cycle in my body is, I now accept, one of the best things that has ever happened in my life, and the peace it has granted is in stark contrast to the experiences of many other women. My experience of motherhood is, the more I think about the process, a complex series of wounds in itself.
Without finding your work when I did, and learning the language you were so brave and strong to share, a lot of these feelings would have gone unexplored. You granted me an ability to walk outside myself. I am hugely grateful for this and so much more which has come from your wisdom and encouragement. Thank you for continuing to be here ❤️
Thank you x
“I ride my body into a slow companionship
comforting it at the end of the day
and I say, Body, you are beautiful,
you are beautiful.”
Thank you Wendy for this raw, honest and generous post. ❤️
Thanks for reading xx
Thanks, Wendy! Xx
I’m so sorry for all you’ve been through. How unimaginably hard. A raw, honest and beautiful post. 💕 I’ve been on an infertility path these last 6 years, with losses (like you said, how can 2 words sum up the experience...), and this line really resonates with me: ‘I have stopped trying to fix myself, I have stopped punishing myself, and am embracing myself.’ After 5 years of punishing myself I decided to not do that anymore. It hasn’t made things work and I was miserable. It’s a hard and often dark place to me. Sending love xxx
Thanks for reading Louise, I am truly sorry for your losses x
Thank you for sharing your experiences, though words can never do them justice. You write beautifully.
Thank you for responding x
Another beautiful, heartfelt post, thank you and I’m so sorry you keep being drawn back into sadness, but let this child-free (because I never felt the need or desire to procreate) woman tell you, this menopause thing can hit you like a ton of bricks and even people in my position feel the sadness of the end of fertility, but as S above says, it is the start of something new once the turmoil calms, so I wish you a rich and productive future.
Heartbreaking. I remember well the feeling of a door shutting despite my having been fortunate enough to have three children!